Tag Archives: Journey

We’re All Made to Matter: Tribute to My Dear Friend Sandy

23 Aug

Four_Fundamental_States_of_MatterEverything around us, regardless of how large or small it may be, truly matters.  To demonstrate this, if you take the preposition in the title of this post “to” and change it to “of,” it completely changes the meaning of the sentence. Even the definition of matter depends upon the context of the sentence.

Matter can be a solid, liquid, gas or plasma; this of course includes humans. However, I am intrigued with the idea of matter mattering. Let me explain. I have seen how my actions, be they simple or complex, can impact someone’s life in a positive or maybe even a negative way (of course this is never my intention) and how people can do the same for me.  This is especially true when it comes to family, friends and coworkers.

Sandy and Me

Sandy and Me at her Son’s First Birthday Party

Someone who mattered to me was my dear friend and office mate Sandy.  Sadly, she lost her two year battle with colon cancer late yesterday evening, and when I think about how she lived her life and how she impacted the lives of others, I find it hard to believe that we, as well as our actions, do not all matter.  She was such a caring person who willingly showed me the ropes when I was first hired as a full-time tenure track professor and welcomed me to the office, literally, with open arms (she gave me a big hug) saying, “It’s so wonderful to meet you Tanya.”  That interaction alone mattered as I was feeling anxious and intimidated as a tenure track faculty member and trying to find my way. Inviting me into her home to meet her family and to even film the first birthday parties of her two little boys also mattered.  Coming into the office to a surprise box of marshmallow peeps (one of my guilty pleasures) courtesy of Sandy made me feel like I matter. There are many more instances, but I will keep it at these three.

She, being the selfless, humble and giving person that she was, never thought twice about helping me or anyone else out. How brave she was as she fought the great fight, never complained and always looked on the bright side!  I often told her how inspirational she was and how I admired her positive outlook on life.  It breaks my heart that I will be starting this semester without my friend and office mate and that her husband will be left without his wife and her two little boys will be left without their mommy, but I am grateful that I was able to tell her how much she mattered to me while she was still here. Please be sure to tell those you care about how much they matter to you. Though I am certain that you, along with your actions, matter to someone too, if no one has told you how much you matter, then allow me to say, “You do matter!”

All the best,

Tanya

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Relax Her? She’s Just a Baby!

10 Aug

2013-08-05 10.35.50

“I see Quinn’s hair has turned from straight to a curly little afro. She’s going to need a relaxer soon” is what I was told most recently in a joking way.  Though I laughed it off in an effort to not be overly sensitive, I did not see the humor in this person’s observation, just the implications that come along with such a statement.

Was this person suggesting that straight hair is beautiful, but curly hair is ugly? It made me think about Chris Rock’s 2009 documentary “Good Hair” and how much of an impact this obsession with not just hair but looks in general has on all people, but definitely females. I mean, even a three month old baby girl does not get a pass!

Almost fifteen years ago, I decided to stop getting relaxers to straighten my hair because I like the versatility of being able to wear it curly or straight if I wish. Plus it is much healthier. Initially I struggled with feeling comfortable wearing my hair in whatever “natural” style I wanted in certain settings for some time, but I am finally able to appreciate my natural beauty and not as caught up in how I am perceived by mainstream society.

It is up to me to lead by example. My hope is to teach my little girl to embrace her natural beauty and to not develop a complex or be apprehensive about rocking an afro, twist out, even dread locks or straight if she prefers.  Should she choose to apply chemicals to her hair to make it straight or a different color, I want it to be because she wants to do it, not because it is necessary in order to be considered attractive or to fit in with what is considered acceptable.

How would you or did you address this issue with your child. Please feel free to share.

All the best,

Tanya

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Smile? I’m a Natural Born Frowner:

3 Aug
Baby Quinn Smiling

Baby Quinn Smiling

Hurry, grab the camera! The baby is smiling again! I have been obsessed with seeing my baby smile for the first time and every time after that. Interestingly, little Quinn had absolutely no problem frowning or making a face to display discomfort immediately after birth accompanied with a piercing cry. But with eager anticipation, I waited about two months for that first “real” smile (Not from gas or in her sleep).

Why aren’t we natural born smilers? Is it that we have nothing to smile about at birth and are miserable? My husband and I discussed this, and he deduced that it is all about survival instincts, and smiling and laughing will not get a baby fed, but frowning and crying will. I’m sure he’s onto something because feral children who were severely neglected and had little to no human contact typically do not know how to smile and must be taught through human interaction.

Seeing my baby smile for the first time and now smiling each day has me thinking about what a major milestone it is. Imagine going through life and never smiling or not even knowing how to smile. I’m sure we all know someone (Hopefully you are not that someone) who always has a frown or sour look on his or her face or might even have a permanent frown upon reaching a certain age from constantly putting a frown on his or her face in the past. When you were a little baby, someone’s face lit up upon seeing you smile or hearing you giggle, so why not make a more conscious effort to smile as adults? Some people may say, “I don’t have anything to smile about.” But having the ability to smile should be reason enough.

Though I was not always a smiler, especially during that awkward adolescent stage from preteens to early adulthood, I have learned the significance of smiling, and seeing my little girl smile has reinforced that lesson. I always greet her by happily saying, “Good Morning,” and she usually responds with a big smile. This has confirmed for me that how we start off the day and how we greet others is very important for us as well as the people with whom we come in contact. Whether it is a big teethy smile at my students in the morning, a small one at a passerby during a morning walk or at the cashier as I pay for my items, my smile just might brighten up someone else’s day. Have you smiled today? If so, how many times? The more the better is my philosophy.

All the best,

Tanya

P.S.  Keep Smiling : – )

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Life Quickly Moves in Slow Motion

27 Jul

Tanya Harris FranklinWho hasn’t heard the phrase, “Life is too short” or “Time just seems to fly by?”  I’ve even uttered it myself on numerous occasions, but after setting up a dropcam for my baby girl’s nursery (Side note: this is an excellent gadget and can be used for far more than a baby’s nursery. It allows you to a view footage from anywhere on a wifi connection on your iPad, iPod, Android or computer) I have started to become a bit obsessed with watching the footage and question those very statements many of us say repeatedly.  There was one instance in particular when I was watching past footage of my husband and I getting our daughter ready for bedtime.  As he was putting a onesie on her, I was “quickly” straightening up the bathroom and putting her little tub back in its rightful place leaving my husband to fend for himself with our feisty little two month old.  What was actually forty-five seconds to a minute at best seemed like an eternity when I watched the footage. I questioned myself wondering if I was taking too long to straighten things up.  Why does it seem like it was much longer than it was?  I guess that’s why many of these “reality” shows have so much footage edited and removed because watching real life with no edits can be quite slow moving and even boring to some people.

As a result of watching random videos of my life going so quickly in slow motion, I have began pondering over rather life is indeed too short or if time is significantly flying by, or am I just not making every moment of my life count and simply wasting time on unproductive activities?  Why is it that life tends to move more quickly when we are active participants, whereas, it can move at a turtle’s pace when we are mere observers?  I am still figuring out the answers as I compose this blog post, but what I do know is that watching this footage has given me an epiphany: every hour, minute, second and millisecond of not just my life but the lives of those I love and care about matters, and I must sometimes slow down my pace yet be quick on my feet to enjoy life, the people and things that matter the most to me.   Please feel free to share any thoughts you have on one of my random musings.

All the best,

Tanya

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Lucky Number: Seven Baby!

21 Jun

Tanya Franklin and Quinn FranklinSince my last post, I’ve embarked on the ultimate journey: motherhood!  On May 3, 2013 at 2:20 am I gave birth to a healthy 8 pound girl named Quinn Victoria Franklin which was just seven weeks ago.  Within that time, I have learned so much and attained a great deal of knowledge from the many baby websites.  Somehow, I made this connection to the movie “Wizard of Oz” and how Dorothy did not want to go on her journey in search of the wizard on her own, and happily invited the scarecrow, tin man and lion to accompany her.  I am grateful to have my husband, mother, sister and dear relatives and friends to accompany me on this journey and offer guidance, but I am fully aware that there will be times when I will need to figure it all out on my own.  Being a new mother is rewarding yet quite challenging and overwhelming, so I’d like to share seven things I’ve picked up along the way thus far to hopefully help others not stray from the “yellow brick road.”

  1. Sleepless nights: If you are bottle feeding with breast milk or formula, make the feedings closer together in the evening so that the baby will sleep longer.  My baby was feeding every two hours twenty four hours a day.  After increasing the amount  and spacing out the feedings during the day by three to three and a half hours and making the last two feedings in the evening two hours apart, she has finally started sleeping better throughout the night.
  2. Upset stomach and/or hiccups:  Gripe water, which is available at a local drug store or on Amazon, works wonders.  Quinn tends to get the hiccups regularly making it difficult for her to sleep, and after giving her gripe water, they disappear immediately.  It also helps to soothe her upset stomach.
  3. Diaper Explosions: Quinn has already had her fair share of diaper explosions or decided to go as I was changing her diaper.  Yes, she’s my baby, and I love her, but I do not love dealing with poo.  My husband is really good about handling those diapers for me.  Even though one might argue that it is not eco friendly, I have been using throwaway pads available through Amazon.  It makes the cleanup process much easier and less messy than cleaning cloth covers.
  4. Cabin Fever:  Though I am still suffering some from cabin fever, I’ve found that just sitting outside on the porch or deck is a great way for both the baby and me to get some fresh air.
  5. Exercise:  Prior to having the baby, I worked out regularly and went jogging almost everyday, so now that she is here, how do I get back into the rhythm of working out when she requires my attention.  Taking a brisk walk for two or three miles pushing her in the stroller has been invigorating, but what about when it’s raining outside?  Though I intend on eventually joining a mommy and me yoga or exercise class, what can I do when that is not an option or if I just want to workout at home?  I ordered “Happy Baby Workout” through Amazon, and it is awesome.  I definitely feel it working to help me get back that pre-pregnancy body, and it allows me to interact with Quinn and to stimulate her development.  Though the baby taking part in the workouts is six months, much older than Quinn, I just modify some of the exercises to accommodate  her lack of neck an head control, and she seems to enjoy it.
  6. Support: I am a “type A” personality as well as a perfectionist and tend to want to do everything on my own.  I learned very quickly that it is okay to ask for help, and it is essential to have a strong support system when raising a child, especially caring for a baby.
  7. Share: I have been learning to share my experience with others and to listen to the wisdom of  others which adds to the support and helps to make  this journey smoother.  You never know how many people are going through or have went through the same thing and can offer advice.

My home has definitely evolved with the presence of a baby, but I know I have the brain, heart, courage and support to  travel this journey of motherhood.  Please feel free to share any advice you have as we take this journey together.

Best,

Tanya

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Having Fun Like Squirrels Chasing Each Other Up and Down Trees on a Sunday Morning: Similes and Metaphors Exercise

23 Sep

If a person wants to be a body builder, it’s necessary to not only exercise but to eat healthy and to train properly when it comes to lifting weights.  If you to be a pro at any sport, you need to practice not just playing the game but different techniques and strategies that are going to play a significant role in how well you play the game.  Writing is definitely not an exception to the rule.  One of the exercises my practicum professor suggested that I do is to come up with similes and metaphors.  Even though it was fun, I must admit that I flexed some muscles I have not been using as frequently as I should.  I came up with thirty different similes and metaphors, and would like to share ten of them with you.  They may not all be the best, but it’s all in fun.

  1. Your love is a 366-day-old lottery ticket.
  2. You are the plucked gray hair no one will ever know about.
  3. Caught in your speed trap with an expired license.
  4. His words cut like a knife made out of play dough
  5. Cumbersome like Shaquille O’Neal walking a tightrope backwards in six-inch heels.
  6. I rise like a congratulations balloon escaping the grasp of a proud mother.
  7. Relieved like a rose escaping the snip leading to its wilting death.
  8. Count on me like an abacus.
  9. Hard as thirteen year old gum under high school desks
  10. Sorted out thoughts like a recycling center

If you have a fun simile or metaphor, please feel free to share.

 

All the best,

 

Tanya H. Franklin

 

 

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The Ultimate Workshop: Discovering Me!

15 Sep

Tanya Harris Franklin aka AnonomzI just started an MFA program in Creative Writing for poetry, and a main component of one of the courses I am taking is participating in workshops where I provide feedback (I prefer the word feedback to criticism) on the work of my classmates, and they provide feedback, which I try not to take as harsh criticism, on my work.  Having someone look at my work, my heartfelt, overflowing-with-emotions work, has proven to be even more difficult than I expected.  I’ve always struggled with confrontation, shying away from it whenever possible, and in some weird way, I am being confronted about poems on which I have worked so diligently and hard to produce.  Last week, I submitted my first set of poems, and I am pleased to say the feedback was not as severe as I thought it would be; nevertheless, the differing opinions and suggestions and the picking apart of my poems line by line is a lot to process.  It has left me mentally depleted pondering over what feedback I should accept and which ideas I should discard.  Having a support system is wonderful, but how do I not lose my voice as a writer and not simply conform to what others think is best for my work or my writing style?

What’s interesting is that this dilemma has got me thinking about an ultimate workshop: discovering me.  An internal conflict I still struggle with in my everyday life is wanting the approval of others and upholding an image others deem appropriate or noteworthy.  My poems cannot and will not be everything to everybody.  Some people will be quite fond of them, and some people will loathe them.  Therefore, trying to figure out how I should revise my poems or if I should even revise them at all is a pinnacle moment leading to a huge turning point for me.  I am being forced to make decisions on my work, and there is no way around it.  As a result, I am discovering more about me and what I think is best based on other people’s insight.  This line of thinking extends well beyond my poetry, and with each passing day I am finding out a little more about myself, what I like and dislike and trying to figure out how to filter through the beneficial thoughts of others without getting caught up in what they think is best for me.  It will be a lifelong workshop, but I can already sense some growth occurring.

All the best,

Tanya

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The Tale of Too Many Goals

8 Sep

Tanya H. FranklinIs there such a thing as having too many goals?  Every year, I contemplate over what I would like to accomplish and what steps I will take to get there, but most recently I’ve started wondering if I have too much on my plate.  Is it best to focus on one goal exclusively or to have a few going on simultaneously that could potentially coincide with one another.  Last year, I found this wonderful app “Habit Factor,” and it focuses on how in order to reach goals in life, you must develop good habits that are in alignment with those goals.

For instance, I want to become fluent in Spanish, so I have been completing Rosetta Stone lessons, listening and repeating the audio on my drive to work or wherever, playing the games, even reading “Love Poems” by Pablo Neruda which has the Spanish on one side and the English on the other along with watching a few shows or movies in Spanish and conversing in Spanish when possible.

Learning Spanish is just one of my goals.  In improving my writing skills I have enrolled in an MFA Creative Writing Program which I just started, and it is certainly intense to say the least.  However, I know I will reap the benefits of blossoming as a writer by the end of the program.  Staying in shape is always at the forefront which involves more than just exercising but eating healthy, meditating regularly and channeling positive energy.

I’ve been married for a year now, and my husband and I moved into our new home a few months ago, and there are several DIY projects I want to tackle.  Starting a family is one of those projects.

Is this all too much while I am in my fifth and last year on the tenure track at my college preparing my portfolio and letter to be presented to the board?  Some people say, “I don’t know how you do it” or “When do you relax?”  I’m not sure if I am taking on too many goals, but I do it all not just for me but my family too, and I am excited about where these goals will take me in life.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

All the best,

Tanya

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The Journey Continues

1 Sep

Tanya Harris FranklinIt’s been a while since I’ve written a post, and I feel so guilty.  Even though I haven’t lost sight of my goals, I have allowed life to consume me.  The purpose of this blog is simply to share my musings, journey and whatever else strikes my fancy and to be able to possibly inspire others, and lately, I’ve had a lot of ideas, so I need to make more time to get them all down.   I’ll keep this post short, but I am eager to take you on my continued journey.

All the best,

Anonomz

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My Favorite Costume

31 Oct

Tanya H. Franklin HalloweenWhat did I want to be for Halloween?
I HAD a favorite costume
Every year the same concept, slightly modified.
I couldn’t wait to try it on.
One year, a cowboy…not a cowgirl.
I’ll take the trousers, not the skirt.
Another year, an Indian chief
No Pocahontas for me!
After that, let’s try half man half woman.
Watch their eyes widen when they see me comin’
Ain’t that somethin’

So fascinated with dressing up like a man
But can’t understand why.
Was I showing early signs of being transgender?
I remember always being called a “tomboy.”
Did I have a affinity towards the look of a man?
I can admit that I’ve always found comfort in loosely fit clothing.
Looking back now, I think I have a clue.
Too many people to count, even strangers,
Which makes it stranger…
Remark about how I resemble my dad from his features to his gestures,
But these gestures enhanced the mark of resentment
My father had for having a female child in his likeness
Like this was something I could control,
Told on occasions, “Stop lookin’ like me!”
How frightening it was
To feel unloved at times.

But instead of shoving me in the other direction
with hatred festering
I sought out a way to fulfill his dream,
Or so it seemed.
I mean…I gleamed with excitement
as I looked at my reflection
knowing that I’d get my dad’s affection
with me hair tucked under my hat,
I just knew he was gonna like that!
Checking out my painted on mustache
And thick side burns

Took me years to learn that all attempts would be abortive.
Though my mom seemed supportive…
Shaking her head…
“You look just like your dad!”

By Tanya H. Franklin aka Anonomz

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