Exactly one year ago, my husband and I found out we were having a little girl. Shortly thereafter, the doctor informed us that the baby had a fetal heart arrhythmia and wanted us to schedule an appointment to have a fetal echo performed immediately. This was not the early Christmas present I was hoping for.
With angst, I spent the rest of my pregnancy going to appointments twice a week riding the emotional roller coaster as the diagnosis would worsen improve then worsen again while I prayed and hoped that my unborn child would be okay. With only having a few close family members and friends knowing what I was experiencing, it was extremely difficult to keep smiling and remain positive, but I did for the sake of my baby.
Miraculously, the fetal heart arrhythmia disappeared, and baby Quinn has had no health issues. This holiday season, I could not be happier. My husband believes that I have went overboard with gifts for her first Christmas. Admittedly, I have because now it is just my heart that skips a beat each time I think about how blessed I am to be her mother.
1. The annual tree farm day trip with the entire family to select and cut down our own Christmas trees is a distant memory.
2. No more perusing the “Best” catalogue, Kiddie City and Toys “R” Us circulars and folding down the pages of the toys and games I just have to have.
3. A hopeful letter to Santa just doesn’t serve the same purpose. Though the butterflies are still there when I see him in the mall, I’m beyond the age of excitably waving at him and taking a picture on his lap.
4. Decorating the Christmas tree and singing along to the Jackson Five Christmas songs isn’t the same. The family togetherness I felt when I was younger is missing.
5. Gone are the days of attending the school’s Holiday Bazaar and making the ten to twenty dollars I saved really stretch in order purchase gifts for my family.
6. The absolute feeling of glee from watching every single Christmas television show, movie or special has sadly faded.
7. Baking cookies in the shapes of reindeer, Santa, Christmas trees, jingle bells and angels sprinkled with green and red sugar is not as fun without with my mom, sister and brother. Not to mention, the cookies are not especially made for Santa.
8. There’s no point in forcing myself to go to sleep early on Christmas eve in hopes of Christmas day coming sooner. No late night conversations using the gift wrap rolls to talk through with my sister in the bed across from mine to express my anticipation.
9. Why run down the stairs with amazement no later than 4:00 a.m.? There are no gifts under the tree from Santa, and my cookies will remain untouched until I bring them over to my mother’s house.
10. Going over my maternal and paternal grandparents’ homes and playing with my cousins and sharing Christmas morning stories until the delicious Christmas lunch and dinners were ready hasn’t happened in years. Everybody has their own families now and have left the memories of Cabbage Patch Kids, Speak and Spells, Hand held games and Rubik’s Cube behind. Well, I haven’t…
My dearest “Childhood” Christmas, I truly do miss you.
Love Always,
Tanya
Do you have something you miss about “Childhood” Christmas? Please feel free to share, and leave a comment.